I am a Wisconsin girl who was transplanted to Texas about 20 years ago. It was there that I met my husband and began a family. In 2004, The Bossman moved my then little family 3 (me, the hubs, and our little Byrd) from the bottom of Texas to what is known as the “armpit” of the west. A couple years later, we welcomed our little Bug into the world and then we were a family of four. It was then that I had this realization that I needed to document our lives … their lives … life is full of these fleeting moments … beautifully mundane every day moments … and I needed to document them for us. I bought a little Rebel somewhere in 2006 and there I went, photographing every move my littles made.
This is us pre-move. 🙂
I came to understand that photographing life is what I was meant to do. But you see, I wasn’t just satisfied with journaling our own lives, I *needed* to do it for anyone and everyone I could. It’s funny, because I had set out to be a chef … I wanted to open my own restaurant (yeah, I can cook & bake too) … but around 2009 and half way into my hotel & restaurant management degree plan, I realized that life wasn’t going to work because I just loved spending time with my littles, watching them grow, learning about the world … I couldn’t fathom those working hours, so I switched my degree program to photography. I photographed so many amazing people whilst I was en route to earning my Bachelors and cherished every minute of it! I hold all of them dear to my heart, as they are the ones who helped me discover my dream … realize my potential … and find my niche. By the way, a million years later I finally graduated (my diploma came in the mail last fall and I walk this summer!!).
Now, lets rewind to early 2012 … my grandma’s health was suffering and I had a nagging feeling it wouldn’t be much longer … (turns out I was right, she passed away Summer of 2013).
We made the trek from out west back to wisconsin to visit her Spring of 2012 …
and to be there to help my sister after Bay was born … we stayed for two months. Both events are what set this whole life changing move into motion …
Isn’t she a complete doll now … nearly 3?! <3
After we got back home, we girls were dreadfully home sick for the county roads, corn fields, happy cows, the smell of fresh country air, and a simpler life. I needed to be closer to my grandma and I couldn’t imagine living so far apart … we longed to be near Bay so that we could watch her grow up, be a part of her life, and so that she could be a part of ours too. I begged and pleaded with my husband to go recruiting (this job is NOT a cup of tea, by any means, so yes … begging was totally necessary) and see if we could get orders to MN or WI … I prayed hard, and well, God gave us Iowa.
Honestly, I couldn’t be more thrilled! This place used to be a gas & food stop on the way home for my family, on those long drives from the bottom of Texas to the top of Wisconsin to visit our family, and on the the long road trips I took with my littles from out west to Wisconsin. All the while, never realizing that we were passing our future forever home.
My husband came home from work one day and said Des Moines or Ames, so I popped onto Google and looked for the top 100 cities to raise a family in the USA, praying there was something near those cities. Ankeny was on that list … pretty high up, actually, and so I told him, “Let’s do it. Let’s move there!” Within a day I’d found 6 houses. Within 2 days we ‘d selected THE house (below) we’d make our forever home. Within a week or so we’d signed off on all the paper work and closed … we hadn’t even set foot in Ankeny yet!
It was late July … we had our orders in hand, movers had already packed our belongings, we hit up Disneyland for one last hurrah…and then loaded up the van with essentials.
The next morning the littles and I said “See yuh later” to my husband (he couldn’t join us until late fall) and hit the road, bound for Iowa.
Yes, we moved here blindly. It was an incredible journey … one I’ll never ever forget. We girls had the time of our lives on that trip, stopping on the side of the road or a turn off for photos in nearly every state we drove through!
Wyoming was and always will be our favorite …. ooooh, I-80, we love you.
Someone had to go P-O-T-T-Y for the upteenth time and the next sign I caught was for the “Pony Express” (gas station nearby) and quickly got off the highway … totally random and completely awesome detour. We learned soooo much about that era and how the Pony Express worked … so SO cool. If you ever get a chance to stop, it’s totally worth it. 🙂 Oh, and forgive the crummy cell phone pic, my big girl camera batteries died. 🙁
We pulled up to our new home around 10pm … it was dark, quiet, and a little scary that first night, being somewhere new and all … in what felt like someone else’s house, but when we woke up … we knew we were in Heaven. This little town was exactly what we needed. There were trees. REAL trees! Not the palm variety. Maples and oaks! It smelled so good. The grass was real and soft beneath our feet. The weather was incredible. We were HOME. Our neighbors greeted us with open arms and hello’s and treats and air mattresses (yeah, the movers kinda packed those …. ooops).
Totally a fast forward, sorry, but when fall hit, our girls were enamored … FALL colors are incredible and jumping in leaf piles … even more so. The Byrd would rake the minute we got back from school.
And don’t even get me started on winter … how AMAZING is this?! Our first big snow … gawsh, a blizzard actually … my girls and I went nuts!
It looks like a winter wonderland … so magical!
Ok … sorry … back to the move … the semi full of our belongings arrived a few days after we did and the movers unloaded everything. WOW. Sweet men, they even put all of our furniture together and set up our appliances. The next journey began … navigating the in’s and out’s of the house … finding a home for our things … it took a couple weeks to get it all situated just right, but when we did … oh, it was amazing.
One of the nights after we moved in, there was a power outage (welcome to Iowa, right?!). All of our neighbors were outside, hanging out, chatting, and so we joined them. The kids were all playing flashlight tag in the dark … the giggles and laughter was that filled the streets was simply fantastic. That was the first time we met the Byrd’s. The next day this girl (Emily) stopped by, and of course … I was totally clueless as to who she was. Turns out, she was a flash light tag kiddo that we met in the dark! Her family came by with chocolate chip cookies to welcome us to the area. Oh, the midwest is great, isn’t it?? That was the start of a beautiful friendship. Since then, Emily’s mom, Allison, has proven to be like a big sister to me … time and time again. When we got really REALLY sick our first year here, she made us dinner and watched the littles so I could go to the dr. and she even ran errands for us. When my grandma passed away, she listened to me cry and hugged me. I needed that … Whenever she was baking up a storm, she always sent something over (and vice versa — below the Bug is traipsing through the MAY snow, cookies in hand).
We spent our summer nights playing Phase 10 & Settlers of Catan ’til the wee hours of the night and having family dinners. Those days I cherish, as it’s been waaaay to long since we’d had any family nearby … that’s exactly what they’ve become to us … FAMILY.
On my birthday, they brought me a super yummy birthday cookie! I hadn’t had one of those since I was a kid … it was nummy!
What’s so so great is that our kids get along so well and our oldest girls are the same age! E is like a sister to them … they love her to pieces, as do I … when she’s here, it’s like having another daughter. My girls love love love their youngest, M … and their older brother, R. They are such incredible people … full of kindness and love, empathy and understanding … they have been such a Godsend to all of us, sometimes the glue that keeps me together, and that something that was missing in our lives … a hole, now filled, and it feels so good!
Now, I’ve homeschooled our girls since the beginning and had planned to continue, but when we were looking for our house we decided on a neighborhood near this one school that just sounded good … on the off chance our girls wanted to try it out someday. The Byrd and I looked at the school’s website whilst we were still out west, checked out the teachers for 3rd grade, and saw Mrs. Keese … we read her little bio and saw her photo and fell in love. I remember telling Miss Byrd, “Ooooh, if you get her … oh, you will get her … she sounds incredible! I bet she’ll change your world!” The Bug was still going to be homeschooled, no matter what. Anyway, one day we walked around the area and saw the school … the littles were curious as to what it looked like inside, so they gave us a tour. Once the Byrd saw the library, and they told her she got to go there during school to check out books, she said she wanted to give it a whirl. Oh, and guess what?! She totally got Mrs. Keese! Fate, friends … fate.
And as fate would have it, they were the best pairing ever. She was the best FIRST public school teacher I could’ve dreamt up for my Byrd … the absolute BEST. She taught her to knit. She encouraged her to write and to build her love of reading. She really listened to her and truly came to know her soul. She became family to us and I don’t know what we’d do without her in our lives … a gift from God. The Byrd also met one of her good friends in that classroom, A …
And through her, her mom, who has become one of my nearest and dearest … and I met her amazing family of 6, plus her parents and her in-laws — they are one of the most incredibly loving, amazing, openhearted, sweet, down to earth, motivating, REAL, honest, helpful, encouraging, uplifting, God fearing families I’ve ever met. They have all grown on us. When I’m down, she picks me up. When I’m lost, she tells me how to get found. When I loose faith in myself … which has been a lot lately … she encourages me. When something breaks in my house, she tells me how to fix it or asks her husband and then tells me how to fix it or who to call (she & the hubs are sorta this ninja DIY team). Oh, did I mention she’s a photographer too? Not just any photographer either, she’s pretty darn incredible! That’s her below with two of four of her littles … helping me with yet another homework project — she’s the best!
Since our arrival back in August of 2012, we have had so much love and joy and laughter come into our lives … and at just the right time. We ALL finally feel HOME … for me, it’s the first time in 20 years (and I am only 30)! It’s amazing, this little place called Ankeny. The people here are so nice, friendly … random people say “Hello” to you and will strike up a casual conversation on the street or in stores, they smile and go out of their way to hold a door for you … gawsh, it’s good to live here. I cannot even fathom another move … this it it for us. Which brings me to why I’m REALLY here! After giving my family time to really adjust to this new lifestyle we have here and for me to finish my degree, it’s finally time to launch this little old dream of mine. I’ve been waiting soo soo long and the day has finally come! So here it goes …
Hi! My name is Jaime (that’s me above being all crazy with my two littles), and I am sooo excited to meet you … ALL of you!
I am a Lifestyle & Portrait photographer specializing in the creation of modern maternity, newborn, baby, child & family portraits. My style is a bit eclectic and spans from classic portraiture to that of a journalistic nature, as I strive to capture authenticity in every soul I photograph and beauty in the mundane of their every day lives. When you mix those two styles together for your family photographs, the results are epic. I will laugh with you, cry with you, chat with you, and maybe even hug you — together we will create an atmosphere that will encourage genuine moments, raw emotion, natural expressions, smiles, laughter, and silly’s. If temper tantrums should arise in your kiddos, as they sometimes do, no worries mate — those are just as much a part of life and childhood as everything else — I’m sure you’ll want to remember those beautifully trying moments as well. 🙂
Cheers!
Jaime
My grandmother passed away, summer of 2013 … barely a year after we moved to Iowa to be closer to our family. You have to understand … my family is incredibly small … just me and my husband and our littles, my parents and siblings, my uncle John and cousin Jason, and grandma. For the years leading up to that, we lived in California … we tried to go back for the summers as often as we could. My sister had Bay in the spring of 2012 … we stayed in Wisconsin for two months and visited my grandma every chance we got. I remember the whole family came in for my sister’s college graduation, and the girls and I sat around my uncles table with my grandma afterward … she told us about her brothers and sisters, parents, grandparents … I pieced together a family tree on a scrap piece of paper. I learned so much during that time … Looking back, I probably should have seen this coming, and perhaps I did but couldn’t admit it. She rarely spoke of my grandpa, for as long as I can remember, and whenever she did, she referred to him as, “my husband.” That spring, she finally opened up about him, just a bit … little things, what his family did, where they were from … apparently, we have this huge family we’ve never even met. Crazy.
Anyway, I made it a point to capture the things I wanted to remember about her, and I don’t even know why it was so important to do it right then, but I just had this urge to … a calling from within. I photographed her playing scrabble, choosing her words, her cup of tea, her hands … her hands with my little’s hands, them together, laughing whilst playing slap jack … I needed those memories for them … for me. I’m so glad I have them … it’s insane to think how amazing she looked then, and how quickly she went downhill in the months to come.
When we finally left to go home, I squeezed her tight … stared at her as if to memorize her face … and we left.
When I got home, I had this feeling … that voice inside my head was telling me it wouldn’t be long, and that we needed to be closer. I begged my husband to find orders to Wisconsin … we got Iowa. We moved late summer of 2012. We visited my grandma as often as we could, given the byrd child was now in public school. Winter was rough, so we didn’t get to spend Christmas up there. We visited during spring and summer … and that’s when we found out about the cancer. I was so angry … so full of regret for not talking to her more, not writing, not visiting more … I wanted needed more time.
The cancer spread so fast, and she had very little time left … weeks … turned into days … turned into hours. I made several trips up there in between it all … each time I went back she was worse than the last. The time before last that we visited, I made a point to photograph her with the littles. My sister called my dad, who’d planned to be out in a couple of weeks, and told him that he had to come now. The airline changed his fight without hesitation or money haggling, and he was there. I feel like my grandma was waiting for him … for my daddy … hanging on to say goodbye to her baby boy.
The next trip up, we arrived very late at night … the girls saw her briefly to say “I love you, grandma” … and then they went back to my uncle’s house. I stayed with my dad and held my grandma, singing her favorite hymns … praying with her … for her … I don’t even remember if I told her “I love you” … but I do remember her asking me, “Why won’t he just take me? I’m ready.” I told her he would soon, in His time, and that she’d be home with grandpa soon, and not in pain. At this point, she could barely talk … or breathe.
I went home around 1am, crying as I drove those back country roads … thinking I’d see her in the morning. I climbed into bed with my littles and when I awoke, it was to my frantic sister … crying, screaming that she was gone … she had passed away in her sleep.
My brothers were boarding a plane when she passed, or about to do so … my dad wanted us to wait until they got here, but looking back I can’t help but wonder if that was the right choice. They didn’t make it in time … and that shattered my heart into a million pieces. I was given the task of driving out to Eau Claire to pick them up from the shuttle station … I took the girls. When they got there, I don’t know if they knew … or not … but I just started at them. I said I was sorry … that she was gone … just this morning, and that I was sorry … she just couldn’t hold on. I hugged them … these two, larger than life boys … towering over me by half a foot or so. Tears filled their eyes and … I just felt so helpless. Jordan, my younger brother, said we’re too late? All they wanted was a chance to say goodbye … to see her one last time, to hug her and tell her how much they loved her. Hours … late. Of course, she knew …
My dad didn’t let us see her, and the next thing I knew we were in the church … then at the cemetery. I was fine, or so I thought … so were the littles … until we saw her ashes being put into the ground. The girls were crying uncontrollably, as if they had just realized what was going on … I couldn’t breathe I was crying so hard. I laid one of her frogs with her and said, “I love you” … I don’t remember much after that.
I cannot tell you how painful that was for me … for my littles … my family.
So much pain … no outlet … always needing to put on a brave face because society doesn’t condone screaming and crying in public … not from a grown up. I say, why the heck not?! I was in the middle of the grocery store, and after months it just hit me like a sack of potatoes … I started crying … messy, uncontrollable tears just fell. I tried to stop, but I just couldn’t. People grieve in their own ways … mine was crying at Hy-Vee … in the juice aisle.
The byrd was in the garage the afternoon we got back from my grandma’s funeral, and she stopped me dead in my tracks with her words … “I feel God.” Her arms were raised, she had taken a deep breath, and was looking up to the Heavens. Tears fell from her face after. She said she missed great grandma … but she felt her, and God … and she knew she was safe in Heaven with grandpa, whom she hadn’t seen in 60 years ( he passed away when my daddy was wee babe). Of course, I took a picture.
Fast forward exactly one year … the next course in my degree plan was a focus on my thesis. I had been dreading the class because I felt creatively dry over the last few months. The one year mark since my grandmothers death was fast approaching, and it just brought up all of the emotions that I’d spent the last year burying so I wouldn’t have to feel it. I told my instructor what had happened the previous summer … how I was feeling … and we talked for an hour or so on the phone … he said photography can be healing if you let it be.
I came up with my thesis plan a few days later and called him back to pitch it. “Feel” … it was more than feeling, it was about the masks that society teaches us to wear, when it begins … at what age do we learn to wear this proverbial mask. I put my girls on a solid black backdrop and did some mock ups for him. He told me to dig deeper … what can I learn from this … how can it help me to heal … what is it really about ?? I wrote down a million and one emotions that I was feeling …
pain, regret, sorrow, loneliness, heartache, longing, unstable, anger …
He told me to use those … to create them … and so I did. Still, it wasn’t enough with just my children. He wanted me to dive deeper still, and use multiple ages and dig into multiple emotions and find out when that mask begins.
I photographed kids age 3 – 16 to test the limits of said mask, and found that for some it begins as early as 6! That broke my heart into a million pieces. Mostly it began around age 8-10, and varied between boys and girls … the age you realize that the world doesn’t care to see how you truly feel, and that you mustn’t show those emotions to everyone … that anything other than the “norm” is for private times at home, and even then … Some kiddos would cry right there in front of me … they didn’t care who I was! Others were reserved and wouldn’t show their emotions to me … at all. Still, others laughed … because laughter is a mask worn well … so is sarcasm.
I don’t agree with this notion at all.
My girls haven’t learned to wear that mask yet. They are 11 & 8 and they feel openly and honestly still … they aren’t ashamed to cry where others can see them or laugh boisterously in a movie theatre. I supposed it’s because I have been known to cry in the middle of grocery stores and laugh without restraint whenever it suits my fancy, so they feel it’s ok too. 🙂 I am completely OK with that … I know there is a time and place for everything, but I’ve always believed that it’s important to be able to express how you feel … and sometimes, we all need to just let it out. I want my littles to know that it’s ok to get upset … to cry … to be angry … AND … to laugh hysterically, to smile so big their face hurts, to jump for joy and click their heels if they get excited …
I pray they have a few more years of this maskless life, because to feel is a gift … to show and express those feelings, an even bigger gift …
Toward the end of that class, my girls slowly began to find their happy again and the beautiful smiles that once graced their sweet, loving faces returned … I never thought that this project could be so cathartic for us all, but it was. I think through it, we all dealt with how we were feeling. Above, you can feel what we went through when grandma went Home … but below, we’ve found peace in it all. Death is so incredibly difficult … it’s confusing … the emotions alone can be debilitating … but somehow, with each other and this crazy project for school … we made it through.
