I’ve been in this deep funk for months. Silent. Worried. Coping. Afraid. Still.
It’s like the world has sort of stood still for me, only not. I’ve been so afraid for my parents. So worried for my siblings.
Fast forward …
I was up late a few nights back, just jammin’ on my guitar (i suck) when I saw an update from the baxter’s over at ohana … it was about their pops. My heart had already been aching, but now … I could actually feel it breaking. Their family has also been going through something so heart wrenching, that you just want to …
Scream. Shout. Cry. Hide.
You can read their post here, if you like … http://sdohana.blogspot.com/2010/01/ucsd-medical-center.html
I cried. Tears that had been bottled up finally came pouring out. It felt so good and so bad … all at the same time. My heart was hurting … hurting for them … hurting for me. I tried so hard to stay positive about my mom, and all that she was going through … but I was scared. I used to be this really emotional girl … but life has hardened me … I don’t want to be vulnerable, so I have learned to bottle it all up and shove it aside. I put on a brace face and greet the world every day. After reading through their post, their words, the emotion … and all the while listening to some really heavy, soulful music, the tears just streamed down my face. I related … because I was just there … in that place … wondering what the next ring of the phone would be for. Nervous to answer. Afraid of what the other end will say. It’s rough.
Now, rewind back a few days ++
I got a conference call via Skype — dad, brothers, and sister — mom was medevaced to Anchorage. My heart sank. She was having chest pains, and spells where she couldn’t catch her breath, and so they took her away on a lear jet. I heard what my dad said … more tests … more doctors. It’s scary. It’s scarier when you’re thousands of miles away and can’t do a darn thing … can’t read emotion … can’t feel the mood of the room … can’t be with those you love. Anything can happen, at any moment … and that really, really hit home for me.
While waiting … waiting for test results, to find out why … to find out what happened … is when I read ohana’s blog post …
I was broken …
It’s been about a week, and her test results are in — doc says her heart is healthy, stress test looked good, so she’s in the clear … I pray it stays that way. Thank you, God! I’m not ready to be without my mom … not sure if I ever will be.
I also pray for pops, though I don’t know him … I can relate to how their family might be feeling. My thoughts and prayers are with them, with pops, with my mom.
– jaime
p.s. since I’ve never posted w/o a photo … here’s one of my mom with Rhybug
Well, lets fast forward …
Our baby girl turned 6 years old on the very last day of the year!!! Happy Birthday baby!
I can still remember the day she was born, as though it were yesterday. *Sigh* She is sooooo beyond words excited to be 6 … because 6 means she’s officially a big girl (according to her). It’s major … I agree! 5 was the year of her first hair cut … 2009 was the year of “Rather than a party and presents, can we go play in the snow ALL day long?” I love this kid! For Christmas, they both agreed on bunk beds. And now, a snow day for the byrd’s birthday (the bug is already planning on Sea World for her birthday). 🙂 They’re great.
So, we ordered snow pants off amazon.com (which they will get at least 2 years of use from at the rate they grow), grabbed some snow boots off the clearance rack at Target, some snacks/water, and waited for the hubs to get off work for the weekend! Then, we grabbed Magellan and piled into the truck for a voyage to Sierra Summit! It was simply amazing — spending the day in the snow, with my family, sledding with the girls … teaching them how to build a snowman, showing them how to make the best snowballs for snowball fights, and how to get up after making a snow angel. It was beyond perfect. Here’s just a few shots from our trip … we left the camera in the car for the most part, but I had to bust it out to capture a few moments, since it was their first official snow day …
So, I said I was teaching them to snow ball fight … bug caught on very, very quick …
Miss Byrd was hiding behind her saucer, when the bug yells out …
“Sister … watch oooouuuuuut!” (in a taunting sorta voice)
And here’s Miss Robyn trying to hide behind her saucer … “You can’t get me!!!”
Haha … think again sister! (I’ve taught her well)
After our brief snow ball fight, it was off to get our saucer on … the byrd was FEARLESS!!!!
Bug was a bit nervous … she couldn’t bring herself to watch …
But, she took the hill solo anyhow … <3 her face!!!
Then the byrd had this crazy idea to “Superman” down the slope …
Apparently, she thought daddy was afraid, so she covered his eyes … gotta love her! 🙂
As for the bug, one solo trip was enough … she took daddy with her on her next trip down the hill …
After the “saucering” down the hills … Jayson snatched up the camera and took a few shots of the bug and I … which I totally <3
I grabbed it back to catch a quick shot of them together …
Then, the bug did something totally, totally random …
bug: Mom, dad, derder (sister) … if a bear came, I would do this (see below)
Me: RITSL — ( just in case yuh didn’t catch that one, it’s rolling in the snow laughing)
the bug: And umm bear would go away …. ar ar away! Uhz I ared em!
I <3 that girl!
And then there’s the byrd … 2 guesses as to what she’s doing.
Of course, I had to have the hubs get one shot of us gals up there in the snow … thanks hun! 🙂
After that, it was time to head home! I honestly thought the bug wouldn’t last more than an hour up there in the cold … we stayed for over 5 hours, and not one complaint came from either kiddo! 🙂
We headed back to the car to de-snowsuit, and that bright eyed little 6 year old girl looked up at me with truly happy eyes …
byrd: “Oh Em Gee Mom! This was the best day of my entire life! I LOVE snow!!!”
Me: “Better than meeting Cinderella?”
byrd: “Ok, it’s a tie”
bug: “Mom, best day whole life ever!”
I couldn’t have said it better myself! 🙂
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BYRD!!!
Mommy and daddy LOVE you!
xoxoxo